


our fingers dance when they meet

by lovelacegsl



Category: Little Women Series - Louisa May Alcott
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 06:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30034689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelacegsl/pseuds/lovelacegsl
Summary: 𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵, 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘈𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵.𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 “𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?”
Relationships: Theodore Laurence/Amy March
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	our fingers dance when they meet

Amy taps her nails against the plastic table. She’d had them done for Jo's wedding, french tips, almond-shaped, not too long. The sound is soothing to her own ears, rhythmic. Never, in the short 23 years of her life Amy thought Jo would marry before her, or that she would marry at all. 

It was a small affair with their family and neighbors they 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to invite in the backyard of Jo's new house, it was small and homey but Jo was very proud of it. Even though a man 8 years older than her sister and with two nephews to take care of would have never been Amy's first choice, she can see he truly makes Jo happy and that makes her happy for her sister, it really does. 

It seems this is the way things are supposed to be, each of her family have that one person they could never be separated from no matter what, while Amy is consistently flighty, never seeming to find that one person. Beth and Savanah, Meg and John, and now Jo and Fritz. 

It's almost midnight and all she wants to do is get back to her shared apartment with Flo in Boston, Flo who couldn't attend since she was working a night shift at the hospital, she misses the company. Being a newly Stanford graduate opened many doors for her and she couldn't be more grateful about it with Aunt March, who did attend the wedding but was pretending to be too moody at the pair, but Amy knows better. 

Everyone is scattered around and she's alone at the table with the excuse that she's tired and thirsty, which is partially true, she spots Laurie next to his grandfather who is talking to her father and he's just pretending to listen. She doesn't really know what went down between Jo and Laurie, she just knows they didn't spoke for good 7 months when he left to travel across the globe before he returned worse than ever, but he swears he's getting gradually better and she's the only one that has been handling his small whiplash of emotions. It makes her heart ache, but whatever happened between them seems to be almost gone, 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵. 

Laurie, who has been around since she was 12 years old, the golden boy and the cute, tall boy next door, the unfair thing is that she's been in love with him for as much as she can remember, if it weren't for Aunt March she would have never be able to hide her feelings, she had helped her more than she can ever be more grateful for. 

He lives in Boston as well but Amy barely sees him, except for those times he asks her out on lunch every once in a while, and when there are family reunions he sticks up to her side, it makes her giddy and nervous all at once. A notification on her phone distracts her from Laurie and the next time she sees him he's standing behind her. 

“God! You scared me,” Amy exclaims when she feels a cold hand in her upper back, he giggles and settles beside her, he moves the chair so he's facing her instead of looking forwards to where she's observing Jo and Marmee. 

“I scared you?” He asks and she's caught with his disarrayed curls, he's wearing a deep blue suit that's almost the same shade of her dress, he looks terribly handsome. 

“Well I'm not the one creeping up on people, am I?”

“Creeping? You knew I was around,” he says, his voice intermixed with laughter that's contagious she almost laughs too, she bites her lower lip and considers his countenance, the fairy lights reflecting in his brown skin. He considers her back and she takes a sharp breath before turning away again. 

“It's surprising, you staying here longer than usual, you're not like that,” she muses aloud just to fill the silence when it comes too much for her to bear, she hates awkward silences, she stares at her glass of water, refusing to look at him any longer than what she actually has to. 

“What am I like, then?”

Her answer is instant and without much thought, “like a rabbit. Jumping from hole to hole to hole,” he lifts his eyebrows, they almost touch his hairline and he struggles to keep the corners of his mouth down “No!” Amy exclaims, louder than she should have because almost everyone turns around to see them, Meg narrows her eyes at her for a moment and then keeps going on with her thing, as everyone else, seeing that it's just Laurie winding up little Amy, as usual “𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵! 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺!” 

He laughs out loud at that “I didn't!” He says but it sounds insincere between his laughter. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in exasperation, she hates being made fun of, more from Laurie than any other “Come on Ames, don't get mad at me, that's what friends do, they tease each other,” he nudges her arm with his forefinger, she takes his hand and pushes it away. 

“I think I've dealt with your teasing more than I had to,” Amy murmurs and he laughs again, drawing more eyes to them, she pinches his thigh so it would shut him up, she thinks he's so beautiful and how much she would enjoy painting him under the moonlight. 

He curses under his breath and it sends a thrill down her spine, what she would give to hear him say that in other context, under her or above her. He takes her hand and pushes it away from his thigh but keeps his hand closed around hers. It reminds her of the time she was 14 and she just started using roller skates and she scraped her elbow, he held her hand for almost 15 minutes. She pulls away. He sighs and the sound caught her unaware. 

“Laurie-” she starts, time and time again Laurie held her heart in his hands, time and time again he crushed it without even knowing it, and yet with the same unawareness he had of breaking it, he would do something, say something, that began the reconstruction all over again. He shouldn't have that power over her, Amy hates it. 

But he's looking at her with a new twinkle in his eyes and his hand is outstretched for her to take “Do you want to get out of here?”

She's not dumb, she knows what he's after, she's seen it in his face for months now but he never dared to take another step, desire, she's seen it in a lot of other guys, guys who never got the chance to even touch her, and maybe other day it would offend her, but not that night where her whole family is around with their partners being in love and all, and she has spent half her life wanting him. She bites her lip to grab his attention, it works and it makes her smile, she shakes her head. 

“We can't, not... here,” his face lit up in a way that's almost comical. 

“So that means that you... I'm not the only one, then?” She closes her eyes for a second and open them again, he's closer than before and his eyes are intent in her face and his arm is slung over her chair, his front almost pressed to her shoulder, and he's so close, so close. 

They leave the gathering shortly after, with the excuse that Laurie will drive her back to Boston which is a lazy lie since they both had been planning in staying in Concord at least for the night but no one questions it. They end up eating cheap pizza in an abandoned parking lot beside an abandoned building, they sit outside the car and in the ground with the pizza between them, it wasn't how she was expecting her night to end but she can't say she's mad about it. They debate about how the building came to be abandoned, he makes her laugh so hard her stomach aches. She had discarded her heels long ago, and he had undone his tie, she wants him to tie her up with it and then feels instantly ashamed for thinking that. 

She feels like her whole body is buzzing with excitement just because she knows what's about to come, because Laurie wants her. She throws the box of the pizza aside and pushes his face against her because she knows he wouldn't dare. 

The kiss is messy and wet but eager and 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵, it makes him chuckle against her and her heart flutter in her chest when he slids his hand to cup her scalp and brings her closer. Somehow he has her tugged in his lap and his hand are at her back, stroking with his fingertips, sliding under her dress. 

“Laurie?” She asks in a whisper against him, he stands up and she wraps her legs around him to not fall and clings to him like a koala, she almost falls when he open the door to the backseat, she laughs when he shoves her back against the door and hovers above her, she grabs the roof handle and laughs again when he nips at her lower lip. 

“Wanted this, for months,” Laurie murmurs against the skin of her neck, she nods but doesn't say anything, and most definitely nothing of the sort that would imply that she had been wanting him for years. She gasps when his fingers make their way between her legs “How?” He asks against her mouth, she swallows.

“Circles. To the right,” Amy answers and keeps her eyes closed, enjoying the ever light touch of his fingertips against her. He kisses her again and she kisses back, desperately and needy, her tongue darting out to taste him, she relishes his gasp. 

“Mine or yours?” 

“Mine,” Amy murmurs against his lips and bites him when he starts moving his fingers just right, it makes her legs tremble. 

“𝘉𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦,” Amy says and he laughs out loud at that, he pulls his fingers away and she whimpers at the loss of touch, he sits back against the seat and pats his thighs, she quickly straddles him and he complies easily when she tugs at blazer and the buttons of his shirt. He's not exactly ripped, or overly muscly, he hasn't done any kind of sports for the last 4 years that she knows of, yet he's so beautiful to her eyes, she traces the faint abs and his broad shoulders. His hands trace her arms until he's tugging down the spaghetti straps of her dress until her breasts spill over the fabric, she clutches at his hair when he takes one nipple into his mouth and sucks and nips. He groans against her when she rolls her hips against his, it's been so long her control is slowly slipping, his hands grab her backside and makes her grind against him more insistently until they're both panting from need. 

“Condom?” 

“Get off,” he whispers and she moves to the seat beside him, he reaches for the glove compartment and she giggles at how his body stretches, he plops back down with the silver packet and grins at her, his grin softening when he catches her eyes, his hands sliding under her dress making her close her eyes and shiver all over “Come here,” he says once her panties are discarded and she sits back down in his lap, she takes the packet from his hands as he unbottons his pants, she's staring intently and he pauses until she looks up at him frowning, he laughs and she rolls her eyes before she tosses the condom aside and pulls his pants down herself, he mutters something about her being eager but she's too busy looking for the condom, too desperate to even try to listen to him, she holds the tip of the condom and rolls it down with her other hand. 

The moan of pleasure that rips out of her sounds foreign to her own ears but she's sure it is from her because he giggles, he actually giggles, and pushes her dress further down her breasts and his hips move in earnest in time with hers, meeting her in the middle, she wants to look down at their joined bodies but they're pressed too close for that, his hand dig in her back and she enjoys the feeling of his chest against her breasts, his hands are rough all over her body but she likes it. 

“Laurie, my-” she whimpers when she feels he's close, he understands immediately, he brings his fingers between her legs and strokes in time with his thrusts, his touch isn't delicate or lovely but she doesn't needs it to be, she feels pleasure like a vicious vine spreading through her whole body swiftly until she's moaning loudly and throwing her head back and digging her nails in his shoulders. 

His thrusts become violent and out of rhythm and her pleasure is meddling with pain and she really can't take it anymore, she says nothing of this, instead she hugs him closer to her and rides him through it and then he ruts to a stop, groaning and biting her shoulder to prevent from being louder. His head rolls back, breath bursting out of him in short sharp breaths that imitate hers though his eyes are closed her eyes never leave his face. 

“Not a one time thing, right?” He asks, a little breathlessly and she wonders how in the devil they weren't caught. She stares at him glassily for a second or two and then husks out a low laugh, the kind a person - a sane person – might let out before doing something incredibly unsafe. No pretensions, I said... 

“Not a one time thing,” she repeats, surely and more steady than how she feels, he grins at her, a grin that send thrills down her spine. 

They've known each other all of their lives, there was nothing to take slow. He knows her better than she knows herself, she's sure of that. There's still that little something he doesn't know and that she doesn't plan on telling him. 

-+-

They agree that a relationship with no strings attached is the right choice, they're both adults and there's nothing wrong for them to have fun with each other, to be each other's stress relief, she doesn't mean for it to last too long but it's been almost four months and she still goes to his apartment at whatever time she wishes, and at whatever time he wishes. 

Laurie is a very attentive partner, he's the most fun she's had in a while but she keeps repeating herself that she has to stop before all her old feelings come back, she doesn't need those, she can do without those. 

He likes buying her food, and he really likes putting his fingers to use which suit her perfectly. He's an excellent kisser and he tastes clean when she goes down on him, there's nothing more she could ask for and the thought scares her. 

He's finally giving her what she had wanted all her life, his attention and devotion and adoration. She had been so sure, so sure of herself and the fact that she thought that once she got Laurie's attention, she would get bored of him so quickly, it hadn't quite happened like that. It only made her want more, for something maybe he wasn't ready to give yet, Laurie was just like she had been in her teen years, a player. And the only time he ever thought about settling down was with Jo, the thought makes her feel really small. 

Lust is great, lust is fun - she's not stating it's not, but where does it lead to? With old boyfriends and flings it led them to this, which is nothing but she's too scared to find out with Laurie, so she tries to keep everything as casual as possible. She never sleeps in his bed the whole night, never cuddles him even if her urge is strong. And if she notices his hand hovering, as if he wants to ask her to stay she deliberately ignores it. 

Lazy sundays evenings were for the other, they never agreed it out loud but they both saved the day. Laurie's shirt are oversized on her and her wrists are red from his necktie, she made a joke on his necktie collection in his closet and then one thing led to another and now she's sitting in his bed eating peppermint ice cream with her legs feeling jelly-like. 

He was very respectful about it, never once she had to use her safe word, not that she'd ever done it before. She feels so sleepy she almost considers staying the night, almost but not quite. With Laurie she feels wanted and desired, never she thought she might get the chance to even kiss him, and now she had him in all the ways she thought impossible. His head is resting in her thighs as they watch a show Amy's not sure what it's about. Her mind is lost, thoughts of what just happened, of how it would affect their friendship, of how Jo would react if she knew what they're doing, of how she would get hurt when he gets bored of her and wants to move onto the next thing. 

Her eyes were blocked by his stained glass necktie, a gift from an ex, he'd said, he had raised her hands above her head and tied them together and after that all she could feel was his hands and lips, it was fun and exciting and that's what friends with benefits is supposed to be like, isn't it? Trying new things and lifting up each other's egos, or something of the sort. His lips were in her neck, her inner thighs, the split between her legs and he even teased her feet a little until she was laughing, his hands buried in her hair, his thumb hooked in her mouth, his motions never stopping until they were perfectly intertwined and even beyond, rocking gently and forcefully against each other. The level of trust she has on him scares her. 

Amy has always taken pride on her looks, after all that's all she has been complimented on all her life even though she was always slightly self-conscious about her height, nose and mouth. Yes, she was the pretty one, but also the annoying one. The one with the killer smile but petty, selfish personality, but Laurie never made her feel that way, he looked at her like everything she said was the cleverest thing he'd ever heard, she's not sure if he's faking it. 

“Laurie?” Amy asks but he's puffing breaths against her thighs and she knows he's asleep, she sighs and leaves the ice cream in his nightstand for a moment. 

She gingerly moves his head off her thighs and gets up to get dressed as quietly and silently as she can, once she's done pausing the show and she's clothed again, she stops for a second and considers his sleeping face, he looks younger and beautiful, her heart contracts a little but she bends to press her lips against his cheek, very lightly as to not bother him, he stirs and murmurs but doesn't open his eyes. 

-+-

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? she wants to ask. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦? 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯? But she wouldn’t be that girl. The girl who needs a definition. The girl who doesn't know where she stands. The floor is cold against her back but the blanket he threw over them is warm. The full length mirror they used is still foggy and her finger traces the outline of a faceless man while he's using his phone ordering them food and his unoccupied hand distractedly strokes the bare skin he can reach. It doesn't make her shiver, but the memory of them just mere minutes ago makes her blush and get goosebumps in her arms and spine, his front pressed against her back, eyeing her over her shoulder, studying her face in the mirror as his fingers worked between her legs, his free hand digging in her thigh, his lips leaving marks all over her back... 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?” Laurie asks interrupting her train of thought and when she finally looks back at him his phone is discarded beside him and all his attention is focused on her, his eyes wide open and lips parted in slight arousal, she's not sure she'll ever get used to be wanted by him but she's sure there's a blush rising up her chest and instead of answering she turns to lay on her side. 

“Oh? That's all I am, then? A pretty girl,” she teases, her big toe stroking his calf and he laughs beside her and scrunches his nose when she reaches out to pull the curl in his forehead between her fingers. 

“No,” he leans in closer, he's towering over her and his breath ghosts her lips, she wants to lean up and kiss him but she knows he's not finished talking “You're my Amy,” her heart skips a beat and then his lips are on hers, she allows herself to get lost in his kiss for a few dizzy minutes, arches her back for his fingers, claws at his back and then his phone pings and the food is at his door, she smiles at him as he dresses but still pushes the thought aside until he's out of his bedroom. She plops back to the floor and finally thinks. 

𝘔𝘺 𝘈𝘮𝘺. 

𝘔𝘺 𝘈𝘮𝘺. 

𝘔𝘺 𝘈𝘮𝘺.

-+-

“This thing is going to bite you in the ass, you know that right?” Flo says nonchalantly, she's right and it upsets Amy that just before she's about to see Laurie, Flo puts the thought in her mind. She looks good, Amy muses looking at herself in the mirror. 

“I know it,” Amy murmurs and turns around to see the dress from behind, the black denim jacket is painted with flowers Laurie had suggested. 

“So, why do you keep doing it?” She asks and Amy decides she likes it better when she has longer shifts in the hospital, it's ironic that Flo's afraid of needles and she's a nurse.

“You honestly want to know why?” Amy asks teasingly, shooting her cousin a smirk and finishes lacing her boots, pushing her hair aside.

“Do you see this thing going any further? Are you planning on telling your family?”

“The sneaking around makes it more fun though,” she lies instead of answering, she swallows and grabs her purse, Flo only rolls her eyes and press play on the movie she's watching. They don't need to say anything because they're not doing anything wrong, so Amy doesn't really see why she should message her family saying that she has been fucking Laurie for 5 months. But if there's one thing that Flo got right was that she could not spend all her life just sleeping around with Laurie, it's not what normal people do, and Laurie's never been the ‘real relationship’ type. She's been waiting for the bomb to drop, for Laurie to say that he doesn't want her anymore, not that he has done anything that would indicate that, but she's still bracing herself for the downfall. 

Ever since he called her his she's been more nervous around him and for no reason since she knows he just said it in the heat of the moment, she hesitates when he asks her to go over his place but she goes nevertheless. Just as she was doing in that moment. This is the last time, this is the last time, this is the last time, she keeps repeating as she hops off the uber. 

“Hey, you look nice,” Laurie says as he opens the door, she smiles and tiptoes to kiss his lips, he kisses her back and wraps his arms around her waist. She feels a curve, his lips smiling against her, he laughs against her and closes the door behind her “You okay?” He mutters against her and she nods but pulls back to look at him. 

“Yeah, you?” He nods and pushes hair behind her ear, she melts at his touch and closes her eyes, sad because she knows what she's doing after they have sex, or should she do it before they do it?

There's a moon pin in his green shirt that she supposes he stole from her drawer but she just doesn't care. It's not like she hasn't stolen thousands of his sweatshirts. He carries her to his couch and chatters about his work while he walks towards his kitchen and takes a bowl of fruit, a mix of strawberries, kiwi and peaches. He plops next to her and strokes her thigh under her dress as she steals fruits from the bowl. 

“Fred is coming next week,” she laughs and pops a strawberry between his lips “I don't trust him,” Laurie says around her finger. 

“He's your friend,” Amy counters and pulls her hand back, he rolls his eyes and rests his head on her shoulder. 

“He looks like he could be your brother, and you used to fuck that man,” he muses out loud and at this, she laughs so hard at this until he is tickling her ribs so he can make her laugh harder. 

“Laurie! Stop that,” she squeals and stands up from the couch and away from his hands. She wants to say that unlike him, she did have a relationship with Fred, a real one, she doesn't say it and instead she climbs onto his lap when he pats his own thighs. His eyes dart from her lips to her eyes until she catches his meaning. 

She nudges his lips open with her tongue before anything and groans when his tongue meets her halfway, she lets his tongue swirl slowly over hers and enjoys every dizzy second, she gasps and pulls his tongue between her lips and sucks, he gasps and groans while his fingers dig harder in her thighs, he pulls back. 

“What was that?” He's starry eyed, affection written all over his face and she's sure she's blushing, her face is hot, his pupils are dilated and he's breathing heavily. 

“Good or bad?” He nods enthusiastically it makes her grin, she giggles and kisses him again and in what feels like one second he has her in his bed. 

It's 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺, and slow. It scares her. One of his hands is firmly wrapped around her throat as his lips trail the valley between her breasts and stomach and she's sure he would make fun of her racing heart if he wasn't so focused on her body. She can't tell if his grip is affection, desire or simply a wish to imprison. 

But she's too gone to figure it out, her eyes roll to the back of her head when she feels his tongue trailing around the split between her legs, everywhere except from where she really wants and needs him, she wiggles her hips, he giggles and she sighs when he finally presses down at her clitoris, his hand travels from her throat down her breasts and stomach, strokes her ribs and then takes the hand that was pushing his face to where she wants him and just holds it, it makes her want to cry. 

She's not 23 and she's not having a no strings attached relationship with Laurie. She's 16 and she's so in love with her sister's best friend that her stomach aches and his smile and laughter makes her heart skip like the small, insignificant stone Laurie throws into the lake with Jo next to him, her hand stuffed in his pocket. It's not fair to her, it had been a dumb decision, thinking she could sleep with Laurie and just ignore what she used to feel for him, the bitterness behind her tongue whenever he left her, the flutter of her heart whenever he hugged her, the drop of her heart whenever he threw a casual arm about Jo. 

He kisses his way up her body and she just feels so overwhelmed she turns her face to the side when he leans down and when he kisses her cheek her eyes fill with tears “𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺,” she whimpers and he reaches for his nightstand and kneels rolling the condom on himself, she eyes him and he looks back at her, holds her gaze and it's too much, she closes her eyes when he settles himself between her legs, something's changed and it makes her heart contract, she's so in love with him it stings, he may love her in the way he does all her sisters but he's not in love with her, how could he ever be? He has endless affection for her but it's just the same way he does for all of her family. She pushes him aside and straddles him so she can bury her face in his neck, so she can have control over something, it's too much, too fast, 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯. 

She's in love with him, and he's not in love with her. She'll never be Jo. Nor does she wants to. She wants to be loved for herself and that's something Laurie could never give her, it's unfair, it really is. 

She rides her orgasm and, as always, allows him to have his own, he finishes with her name on his lips, thick with a little something. He sits up and wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her shoulder, he's never done that before and she pushes him aside and stands up to put her clothes back on. 

“Amy?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can you stay?” She shakes her head and zips her dress back on, she's grateful she picked the dress with the zipper on the side of the dress otherwise she would of have to ask for help, and the last thing she wants right now, is need him. 

And if she had any doubts, there is one thing is clear, this is the last time.

* * *

There’s rice in the cooker and butterflied chicken breast on the grill, roasted potatoes kept warm in the oven, and a peach cobbler in the crock pot he’d started before work that morning. It’s enough food to feed himself for an entire week. 

It's been almost three months of silence from Amy, he misses her, it feels like the time Jo left him at the coffee shop in New York when he was trying to tell her how he felt to meet Fritz outside, but ten times worse. 

If there's one thing he doesn't understand is what he did wrong, did she left him to be with Fred? The thought fills him with dread.

They both had felt it, the shift of the relationship and he was so elated and then she stopped answering his calls, his messages and whenever he tried to visit she was never home, and when there were family reunions she was never around. 

He's preoccupied with making sure his chicken doesn’t burn when the knock comes at his door. For a moment, he thinks he’s imagining things, and he pauses what he’s doing to focus on his surroundings. There’s nothing but drops of rain hitting against his windows for a second and then, a thump thump thump, hard and a little impatient and he almost forgets to breathe because no one knocks at his door like that except her. 

He turns the stove down to warm, wipes his hands on the towel by his stovetop, and takes deliberate, slow steps to his front door. It’s an exercise in keeping his heart rate down and his breathing even. 

Laurie opens the door and what he sees on the other side makes him laugh, Amy's soaked head to toe and shivering a bit, her hair plastered against her cheeks and her lip trembling. It feels like there's an ocean in the five feet keeping them apart. And then he realizes she's really standing there in front of him, and he's laughing at her, she looks up at him through her eyelashes in exasperation and without other word he lets her in and digs into his fresh laundry. 

He wraps her in a towel and feels his heart stutter when she sighs, her eyes bright, her smile tremulous and a little shy. 

“Thanks. The bottom fell out on the way over and-”

“It's fine. It's alright,” he says in a breath, he almost can't believe it, his eyes scan her face looking for any differences but there's none, she's still the same Amy who kissed his shoulders and lips and sucked on his tongue and played with his hair. 

“You're not busy, are you?” She asks sniffing and looking around. 

“No, just making dinner, and lunch,” Laurie says, he feels a little something rising in his gut, nervous, anger and above all, love “Do you want some? You should take off those clothes,” Laurie says and she smiles, her eyes wrinkling, she nods and he leaves the room so she can have privacy and to take deep breaths. He sits at the island and waits for her, he manages to trap down his anger so he can speak to her, this new emotion scares him, he's never angry with her. She comes around wearing one of his button down, he makes her a plate of grilled chicken and rice, piles it high with potatoes and pours her a glass of lemonade. 

“Why didn't answer any of my calls?” He starts just because he's aware of how much Amy dislikes talking about her feelings, as much as he does but there's no way he's letting her out of his apartment with no definite label, they're over for good or she's his girlfriend, there's no in between, there's no way he can go back to just being his friend when he already knows what it's like to be hers. 

“I'm sorry, that was inappropriate from my part... and rude,” Amy winces and takes a bite from the chicken and moans at the taste. 

“Yeah, it was,” Laurie says truthfully and her eyes snap open, he sighs “I'm sorry, but it's been three months, three months where I didn't heard from you, at all and when Flo said you were out on a date I just...”

“It wasn't even a date,” she mutters and takes a sip of her lemonade “Okay, it was a date but I have an explanation for it,” Amy says and his heart drops to his knees after it rises to his throat. 

“I'm listening,” there's tears in her eyes but he doesn't reach out to take her hand. She bites her lip and her eyes look down before she looks up again. 

“The last day we were together, it was a bad day. Flo was saying some things and they got to my head, I know she was just looking after me and - oh my God, is this good,” Amy says when she takes a bite of the potatoes, she takes a deep breath and he smiles at her because she's just so gorgeous and he's so in love with her, he doesn't know when it happened but if he had to put a label on it he would say it was about that time in summer when he just came back from Europe, it was like a switch had been turned on and he was looking at her with brand new eyes. 

She was so different - no, he was the one that was different, Amy had alway been lovely and beautiful and fantastic and in reach for him to grasp, but he never did. Amy never felt like childhood and sunlight and playfulness, it was completely different than what he had felt for Jo, Amy was powerful and exciting, new and peaceful from time to time. 

She expels a breaths and starts over again “It was becoming too real and after the second month I was starting to feel like a coward or whatever,” he snorts at that and she grins back “You know I don't like to talk about my feelings, at all, I'm all in for show don't tell kinda thing,” she trails off and scrubs her face with her palms like a child “I've always been outside of the picture,” there's tears in her eyes and this time he tentatively reaches out and she takes it, he knows those are tears that had been building over years, he knows what she means by ‘outside of the picture’, it makes his heart ache. 

“I needed time to think about this, me, you and that thing we had going on,” he nods and gives her time, she bites her lip and blinks back tears. 

“You said after the second month, why didn't you reached out earlier?” 

“Pride. Fear, I don't know, we fucked each other for like 6 months and then I just stopped talking to you,” Amy murmurs and takes her hand back “What kind of person does that then turns around and calls and whines about how she’s itching for a fifth of Kentucky Dale and ice cream and hugs and sex,” Amy says and he laughs. 

“The one who knows the man would've answered no matter what,” Amy doesn't answer to that but there's a small glimmer of hope in her eyes that he knows it resembles his. 

“You seem to be doing okay though,” she says instead. 

“So do you,” Laurie and she nods taking a sip of her lemonade, she stays silent for a moment, he can see her mind turning. 

“Yeah, I've been talking to Jo more lately, we're working things out,” Amy says and it makes his heart swell, he doesn't tell her he already knows because he wants her to detail it to him “I missed you,” she whispers. 

“I missed you too, it got a little lonely without you around,” she nods “I'm also sorry… for all those past years,” Laurie says, she smiles tightly with her eyes closed, expels a breath that seems to be the 15th one that same evening. They stay silent for a while, it feels good to be in silent with his best company, she eats slowly at the same pace as him. 

“So-” she starts shaking her head, he smirks at her and stands up to wrap her in his arms, she melts against him. 

“We don't have to talk more about this, tonight, but-” 

“We could be good, we can try,” Amy muses against him, her breath tickles his ear and her fingers trace patterns in his back. He nods and holds her tighter. 

They can. They need to talk more, open up, stop second guessing and holding back but yes, it can be good. It will be. 

“I'm going to say something and I don't want you to say it back if you don't mean it, I don't want you to say it because I did-”

“I mean it. I love you,” he interrupts and her eyes light up, he laughs at her shock and her arms wrap around him harder “Would you... go out on a date with me?” Laurie asks hesitantly and she pulls her face back to look at him but keeps her arms around him, she laughs and nods. 

“Later, but right now…” she whispers and presses her lips against his, he smiles against her and presses her body as close as he can. Her kiss is slow and soft, it makes him want to cling to her and never let go. 

He met Amy on a Friday. 

He told Amy he loved her on a Friday. 11 years later. 

They map each other's bodies leisurely, slowly with no hurry as if they were remaking their first time, he doesn't say the three words again but he thinks them over and over again as he scatters kisses all over her body and something tells him she's thinking the same. 

Her breathing tickles the sparse hair in his chest and her leg is slung over his thighs, it's the most comfortable he's been in a while. This is where she belongs, he thinks. This is exactly where he needs and wants her to be. 

“Hey, can I ask about something?” Amy asks right when he's about to fall asleep, his fingers trace the curve of her spine. 

“Hmm, of course,” Laurie says and shifts around to face her. 

“You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though,” he nods because she knows already “Whatever happened between you and Jo?” He tenses up for a moment and sighs, she shakes her head “Nope, forget I asked,” Amy murmurs and buries her face in his neck. He laughs and nuzzles her chin up, her eyes are glazzy, that's something he needs to tackle down as well. 

“I was visiting her in New York, and I already knew about Fritz, I did, and we were, you know, talking in a coffee shop and she almost ran out on me to meet him,” she looks at him in shock and he laughs at the memory. He pauses and glances down at Amy for a moment, trying to gauge how she feels. He doesn't want to spend the night talking about his ex feelings with her naked in bed beside him. But she doesn't look upset at all. She waits on him eagerly “Are you sure you're okay with, uh - ”

“Yeah,” she nods and pushes his hair aside from his forehead, she presses her cheek in his shoulder and he smiles at the gold girl in his arm. 

“Yeah, so, it was the day I was trying to tell her that I liked her, she was telling me the girls I could date, she mentioned Beth a few times,” Amy lifts her eyebrows “She hadn't came out yet,” he says and she nods in understanding “And that's what basically went down, I got mad, my ego was hurt, I left and then came back and then she was engaged,” Laurie finishes and she nods “I like to think about that day,” she looks up at him in query “It reminds me that I used to feel that way, but that I don't anymore and that things are different now. Not in a bad way, but in the right way,” Amy buries her face in his neck again and nods. She presses butterfly kisses to his neck and he sighs, embracing her completely. She's his, his girl, his Amy. 

“In the right way,” she mutters against his neck and he's seriously considering starting a new round all over again “Oh, also, Van knows about us already,” Amy says as an afterthought, she rests her arms in his chest and he looks down at her in question. 

“What?”

“Yeah, she has... really strong opinions,” Beth's wife ceirtanly does, he laughs and gives her backside a squeeze, she laughs against him and presses her lips against his collarbone, he moves his fingers to the ticklish spot in her belly. 

She giggles and it's like they were back in the bubble again, sneaking around his apartment and laughing together, him in his boxers and Amy wearing his button down shirts and touching each other through TV shows. He’s teasing her about sleep and she’s begging for him to stay up and play the piano for her or talk about the documentary she's watching, begs him to let her paint in his thighs or begs him to speak a little Italian to her, which he always complies, just because he likes the way her legs squeeze tight shut when he whispers in her ear sweet nothings in italian, french and english. 

Her smile tells him he can have a lifetime of evenings like those ones.

**Author's Note:**

> the title is taken from this side of paradise by coyote theory, it's such a beautiful song and i chose this title, well, because of the trope of the fic but also because they are each other muses so i thought it fitting
> 
> also no one is giving me content so imma write it myself 🤷🏻
> 
> comment and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> much love to everyone <3


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